The Love of a Soldier and His Loyal Donkey
by RikaandHerPikachu
Summary: A young soldier gets a donkey as his new steed. A talking donkey. The chatty, loyal Donkey just wants a friend in Jean, but is that all that will entice the both of them? Ghouls, tennis racquets, cards, Titans. The world ready to end them, but they aren't ready to end it yet.


Jean Kirstein looked over his deck of cards. This deck was the best deck he could build with the situation that had currently befell him. The rules were convoluted, but with all the issues of giants and not-so giants trying to ruin humanity's living state – not to mention the corruption _everywhere_ \- these damn cards were the only escape. Even then, they could still be converted into weaponry, the monsters on the cards being as strong or as weak as the numbers might suggest.

"Kirstein, report to the stables for your new horse assignment."

"Yes, sir," Jean answered his commanding officer. Horses came and went, but now was quite an odd timing for one. He took it as it was though, pocketing his cards and assuring himself that he had his issued weaponry – a reality bending tennis racquet (because Jean swore that every development in this world made sense), their standard sword, and battle deck.

 _Don't let it be a real ass_. Jean thought. He was relatively good with horses, that was simple, but the last horse really hadn't liked him. This one though, it took the cake.

"That's not a horse, sir," Jean said, looking at the literal _ass_ before him that stood in the stables, giving him a cheeky grin no less. Jean really couldn't believe that this… this _donkey_ was his new horse.

"I'm aware, Kirstein."

The donkey looked right as Jean as his commanding officer left. Then, it _talked_ , "Hey, what's your name?"

"…Jean."

"Well, Jean, it's nice to meet'cha! I'm Donkey."

"I know what you are."

"It's also my name!" Donkey laughed and Jean swore that he'd probably be completely fine with something coming and eating him right at that moment, but he didn't want to give up his newest animal assignment. Damn on those titans, this was going to be an experience. "It's been awhile since I've had someone to talk to! We're friends now, right? Right?"

This was going to be a long however long he had this assignment for.

"I guess," he answered.

Then, she passed. The absolutely gorgeous Mikasa Ackerman. Had he ever seen anyone else so pretty before? Never. She was the best. A literal queen who had that typical annoyance hanging around her – like what was his deal? He needed an opportunity, but what could possibly be his golden ticket? Who could help him out? There had to be an opening… an opening…

Donkey?

No, no, he's a _donkey_. There was no way in hell that he'd rely on his new "horse,' that _talking donkey_. Yet, was it his only… No! He'd try talking to her first.

"Mikasa, h-hey," Jean quickly said. Donkey's head perked up, curiously.

"What is it?" Mikasa asked, facing him ever-so-slightly.

"Oh, uh, well, there's this d-day where, um, we get a longer break and—"

"…Not interested," Mikasa said. She turned around and walked away. Jean's hesitance coupled with her dedication to the actual task at hand. She couldn't even sit down a play a good old warm-up round of dueling.

His hand landed on the racquet beside his deck of cards. Was that thing meant for other things? Recreation? At one point, probably. But fighting seemed to be its current use – fighting that Jean wanted to impress Mikasa with. Dammit. He had to win her over. Who… could talk about him positively? Yeager? No. No, that would be an idea that wouldn't work at all. There… was no possible wingman left. Connie would ruin it. Armin was nice but not what Jean needed. Mikasa was already too partial to Armin and Yeager too.

Jen sighed, crossing his arms as he leaned back against the sable building. He really wasn't winning this one, was he? He turned his head, glancing off to the direction Mikasa went in. His eyes softened. She was just too pretty. Too… perfect.

"I saw that! The way you look at her. She's got you tied, doesn't she?" Donkey's voice broke through Jean's thoughts, but he tried to ignore it. Donkey was just his new horse. He needed someone who was chatty and would ultimately make himself look better… Who fit the bill?

…Donkey?

No, wait. He didn't want his wingman to be an _animal._ An animal? A wingman? That would appear as a joke right? A joke she probably wouldn't actually laugh at, but something funny all the same.

Donkey fit the whole chatty thing. The damn _mule_ wouldn't shut his mouth for one second. The thing was that would the whole situation even be taken seriously? Jean could barely believe that the creature was talking. Then again, there were other phenomenon – like just how some civilians managed to dodge titans without training… but stuck around for whatever reason, one that Jean attributed to inhuman qualities. Donkey was not human, but could actually communicate with humans.

Would it work?

Jean found himself giving into the idea. Slowly.

Backwards twinge with regret. Jean didn't want to test this but…

"What's it to you?" He finally spoke.

"Hey, we're both pals here!" Donkey said. Jean scoffed. Pals? Sure, Jean was seriously debating on having the talkative mammal chat his light up good, but "pals" was an overstatement. It looked like Jean was gong to have to put more heart out than just in the cards or in defending some pact of humanity. "You've got that look in your eyes."

What would _he_ know?

"And you think you can—"

"I know I can, buddy!" Donkey cut Jean off, "You've got to use tactics – sine seems like a tough one to get through to."

Oh to the wall, this was embarrassing.

"Could you possibly… help?" Jean faced forward, refusing to look at Donkey but he still came to terms with the fact: a donkey was going to be his wingman.

He was going to look back on this later and question himself so much.

"Of course. That's what I'm here for!"

Okay. Never mind the fact that he was supposed to be there to be some sort of transportation – _why_.

"Let's get started right away!" Donkey said. Jean frowned, shaking his head and and blushing. He had to know this thing first – and he still wondered why the military looked at him and said, _"Take this mule as your new horse. Humanity is in your hands."_ Seriously. Come on.

He was stuck.

Spending time at the stables getting used to a new, normal horse was one thing but a talking – _Stop questioning it, Jean._ _The damn world's gone down anyway._

He got to know Donkey.

"So they caught me outside of here hiding from a little, bloodthirsty guy; caged me up in here; and nearly wrapped my mouth shut too."

- _can see why-_ Jean thought, but he could barely even near his own thoughts. Still the enthusiasm of Donkey was somewhat catching and – wait, what?

"Then I waited around here until that guy came back with you. That girl passed by and you went gaga over her."

"I got it."

Was it that Donkey liked hearing himself talk? Or was it that he just didn't know when to stop? Either way, after that story, Jean already felt he had a handle on everything. So, he shared a little about himself before it was time to hurry back to training and preparation.

* * *

 _What if a titan crashed this train wreck? Maybe then I could save what little bits of good reputation I have left_. Jean thought, holding a glass of water in one hand while he covered his face with his other hand. This was a disaster, an embarrassment, he really wanted to just grab Donley and get out of there. He was in the middle of a duel that he was winning, however, and he wouldn't leave that. So, he let Donkey talk as he showed this opponent a thing or two on why he was in the top ten in all categories.

"So then my boy Jean over there asks the big shot what was up with the book shelf and he says-"

Jean didn't even _want_ to know. Still, the effort was admirable. And much appreciated. Jean turned his attention to Mikasa then. Her face, mouth hidden still by that dark-red scarf, had no showing of any interest. She just listened, her eyes staring straight at Donkey. Jean let Donkey do his thing, facing back to the cards.

Donkey, however, found something stirring inside of him. He was having fun talking about Jean, but did it really mean he wanted to talk to this girl about him? This girl who barely gave Jean the bat of an eyelash. Jean, over there, smoking a duel by placing that card in the Attack Position just so, looked glad. Determined. Just yesterday, he had that sweet team kill that he lead – not a good leader his donkey! His… Donkey.

 _Gotta keep talking!_

He was sure people were more interested in the fact that he was a talking animal, but hey, no hide off his bones. What ever won the girl over for his friend.

"And so he said, 'You know, it's one thing about cards, but it's another about the racquets!' And I said, 'You going to cause a racket?'"

Tough crowd.

Maybe this whole _wingman_ thing wasn't working very well. He had to keep trying. He laughed and chatted and pulled a little jig to keep the tiny crowd entertained. It went until they had to get to bed to rest for the next day.

* * *

Jean swung the racquet at his side quickly. It could cut, but it was a last resort compared to the better equip blades they were later issued. Jean needed everything just in case.

"Donkey," Jean sighed, "Get up. We've got work to do."

As awkward as it was, Donkey was still Jean's _horse_ and by the wall was he going to move. Donkey sleepily rose to his feet, yawning, but he mouth immediately switched to that ever-familiar grin.

"You see, Jean, there's a whole lot of world waiting to be discovered."

"It's dangerous out there."

"Dangerous in here too," Donkey said, laughing, "You've got a head though, that's cool. You need it in a place like this. You know what's fun? Running. It's fun when you're not in danger."

"I've done running for training," Jean started "But there's not much recreation out here."

"A guy like you can change that, Jean! A guy like you can surely win over that Mikasa girl too. Soon!"

Jean nodded.

Something didn't stir right with Donkey. He enjoyed his time with Jean. If he managed to help Jean win Mikasa over, would that change this? This had been going on for some odd months, after all, and that was plenty of time for a steed to get attached to his partner. It bothered him. Could he… actually go through with the whole wing her in plan? He… didn't think he could.

 _Crash!_ A sudden determent seemed to be in order as Jean jumped after from the dust cloud. Donkey followed. Laughter echoed.

"Dammit!" Jean yelled, reaching for his card reactor. Summoning was somewhat efficient, enough of a distraction as Jean set out a monster in defense position as shield. This wasn't a titan, but a human of great craze, strength, danger. Donkey found himself afraid.

"Let's get out of here, Jean!" They had to move. Jean wanted to keep this chatty donkey safe because he couldn't lose other animal and Donkey was his friend. Yes, they had to get out, but Jean still had the urge, the strength, to fight back.

This wasn't a bullshit-lined drill; this was the real deal.

A guard and it was over in a flash. Mikasa to the rescue. It seemed she was watching out over the camp, as usual but she was still insanely skilled. She looked between Donkey and Jean, before turning and leaving just as she had came, a "Careful," leaving her lips as she moved. Jean was in awe, again, as he made sure his defending cad monster was returned to his deck.

That was it. Donkey could handle it. He couldn't help Jean fall further for her. He couldn't help Jean win her over.

* * *

Jean knew something was wrong. There had been a lack of obsessive and annoying as hell chatter coming from Donkey. Donkey actually seemed to be avoiding striking a full conversation with Jean, which was odd. Donkey was no longer so gung ho about shining positive light on Jean's impression on Mikasa's heart either. Jean didn't care about that though, not now. Not anymore. Though he still stutter and shake around her from nervousness, it was because she was skilled, beautiful, and _scary_ … wait, what was he thinking?

He still liked her? Right? Right? Or, was he not sure anymore? More importantly, why was he questioning it? He had everything sort of planned out at the beginning, watching it fall all into place and now something was telling him it wasn't right?

 _What's not right? And what's up with Donkey? He's not talking his ass off like usual._

That was surprising to Jean. And worrisome. It felt too cold for the warm-mannered Donkey to take up behaving like. It bothered him. He had to root it out. For Donkey's sake… and his. Did he care too much? Or just the right amount? It was a strange feeling; one Jean knew was slowly becoming sorted out.

Donkey needed exercise. "Donkey. Like it or not, we're taking you out for a tried. Trusty mount, trusty Donkey steed still. At least there was that. The orchard, a place that was still a work-in-progress and had some decent looking trees because of that.

That would be a good spot.

"Donkey. You haven't been talking to me lately."

"Oh, yeah…"

"Listen, we're a team and we can't lack communication. It's not safe."

"I know, I know. See, there's this fun game where you don't talk and think. Guess I decided to play it."

"Where was that on those other days?" Jean asked, as a joke, but the mood stayed heavy among those few trees. The orchard was empty of mammal life aside from them.

"I thought I liked Mikasa," Jean started. "She made me nervous, and she has killer looks," he went on. Donkey wanted to run. His heart couldn't take it but his mind wanted Jean to the point. "It makes sense to think that I'd like her. But, there's this thing.

"It's stupid but I'm more afraid of this than those assholes or the titans." Jean took a deep breath. What was he doing? He was red, body quivering in embarrassment and uncertainty. He continued. "These past months wouldn't have been the same without you, so start talking again, Donkey. I-It's… not the same without you annoying someone."

Was Jean being selfish? Maybe a little but no one would treat that as new news. Jean hated that Yeager was getting ahead just because the trust between him and his horse was still there. He didn't get the privilege of talking to it, but still. Jean also wanted everything sorted out here. It felt lonely without Donkey's loud, obnoxiously-endearing voice.

"I like you. But that's weird, right? You're my _donkey_."

His… Donkey. There it was again. Donkey liked those words. It filled him with joy, unmatchable joy. That was what he was looking for. Those weeks of cold shoulder, Donkey didn't even need to do that. Jean's sort of confession, that could have came earlier if Donkey had said something. He heard the words clearly. Dismount, sit down, lay in Donkey's case. A few more words and that was that.

Donkey realized that Jean felt the same way he did; Jean, the long-faced human, his buddy, his pal, his person, felt similar.

Nothing could ruin this, nothing could taint the words. Destiny played a big role in this, and it was supposed that everything would still go on with the same reason. There was pleasure, content power. Donkey looked to Jean and grinned; Jean returned the look with a somewhat confident, growing smile. This was the life. Well, aside from all the evil and sadness taking charge around them. Like Donkey had said once before, and insisted upon, Jean could help take care of the issue.

One, two, an embrace of mangled trials at first. It was difficult, very different, but three, four and they had it down: a loving embrace, one that would fully mark the forbidden desires and special circumstances of the relationship. A beautiful conclusion, one that ended the trials of love between a young solider and his noble ass of a steed.


End file.
